


The Heart is Hard to Translate

by silkquake



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Discussions of one-sided Fjorester, F/F, M/M, POV Multiple, Pining, i'll add more (platonic) relationship tags as i post chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 03:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29619669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkquake/pseuds/silkquake
Summary: A series of conversations between members of the Nein about having feelings of the romantic nature.
Relationships: Fjord/Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre & Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	The Heart is Hard to Translate

**Author's Note:**

> For context, this fic was originally written _before_ we got canon confirmation that Beau had feelings for Jester. As such, Veth is still Nott and a goblin and blissfully unaware that Beau has any feelings for Jester.
> 
> I think this fic is going to read a lot like salt fic but believe me when I say that it was written from a place of genuine love and excitement; I really believed all of this _could_ happen in canon. That being said, obviously this isn't the case anymore, I haven't watched Critical Role in over a year and the last couple of chapters are still unwritten so, you know, proceed with caution.

Caleb thinks this might be the closest he’ll get to happiness in this lifetime.

He’s sitting alone at a table in the corner of a tavern, surrounded by empty tankards but he feels loved. His limbs are heavy with the fatigue of travel and he’s pleasantly buzzed, a drink into the evening. The music is light and jaunty and as he drains the remaining few drops in his tankard, he watches the girls dancing in the centre of the tavern: Jester spinning Nott in circles, Beau moving to her own beat and Yasha swaying, looking unsure of what to do with her arms.

Jester catches Caleb’s eye and gestures for him to join them. “Come dance with us, Caleb!” she shouts from across the room. Caleb smiles but shakes his head. Jester rolls her eyes and marches over, her tail flicking from side-to-side.

“Did Fjord and Caduceus leave you alone?” she asks, hopping onto the table instead of sitting in a chair like a normal person.

Caleb shakes his head. “Ah, no. Caduceus is attempting to persuade the head chef into giving him the recipe for the spring rolls and Fjord went to get more drinks,” Caleb says, lifting his empty tankard. “I was tasked with watching our things so here I must stay. Sorry, Jester.”

Jester stares at him, unimpressed. “You wouldn’t dance with us even if you weren’t, would you?”

“Mm, probably not.”

Jester huffs. “Whatever,” she says, swinging her legs back and forth. “I’ll just have to stay here with you until they come back so you don’t look like a _loser_ , all by yourself.”

“Oh no, go have fun,” Caleb insists, nudging her gently but Jester refuses to move.

“Nope!” she chirps. “You’re stuck with me!”

Beau looks over from the dance floor, an eyebrow raised inquisitively, but Jester gestures for her to continue. Beau gives her a thumbs-up and turns to Yasha to pull her into a dance. Something flashes across Jester’s face and her grip on the table tightens momentarily, but then she’s back to being Jester again, grinning without a care in the world. Odd. Caleb almost wants to prod at it but he’s not entirely sure what he saw was _anything_.

Instead, Caleb says, “Then I am grateful for your company. Rest assured, though, I should not be alone much longer; Fjord and Caduceus will be back soon.”

Jester cocks her head. “Are you sure? Because they look like they’re kind of in the middle of something right now.” Her tail points at their two party members and sure enough, Fjord and Caduceus are sat down at the bar and it looks to Caleb like they’re in the middle of one of their Wildmother Counselling Sessions, coined so eloquently by Nott. Caleb sighs.

“I really could’ve used another drink,” Caleb mutters, looking wistfully at the cluster of drinks on the bar next to Fjord and Caduceus, forgotten in lieu of their conversation.

Jester hums. “They’ve been doing that a lot, huh,” she says, propping her chin in her hand. “I mean, I’m happy for Fjord, I’m glad he’s free from Uk’otoa and now has a better purpose and all that but… you know…”

“Ja, it kind of feels like they’re leaving the rest of us out of the loop sometimes,” Caleb finishes. He once had strong opinions on the influence of the gods on the Material Plane, fuelled largely by his ex-mentor’s own views. Caleb’s feelings on religion have since become less extreme although he’s still not sure how he feels about strange entities having so much say on the lives of mortals. Certainly, Uk’otoa was a terrible influence and Caleb wonders how benevolent the Traveler really is. The Wildmother, at least, Caleb is familiar with and Caduceus seems content enough.

He brings his tankard to his mouth, only to remember that it’s empty. He sighs again and turns his gaze back at Fjord, who has his signature charming smile on his face. The warm glow of the tavern’s torches and candlelight illuminate his features and casts flickering shadows across the planes of his face. The corner of Caleb’s mouth tugs up; it’s hard to get sincerely angry at one of his own, least of all Fjord.

Jester swivels her head to look at Caleb, then Fjord, then back at Caleb. She fiddles with a loose thread on her dress, then slides off the table and into a chair.

“You’re sweet on him, yeah?” she asks, echoing his words from months ago.

Caleb chokes on his own saliva and sputters into his cup. “ _What?_ ”

Jester props her elbows on the table and cups her face in her hands, squishing her cheeks in the way she _knows_ is adorable. “Caleb, don’t play dumb with me.” She pouts at him but as much as Caleb finds it endearing, big doe eyes are only going to get her so far when it comes to Caleb’s secrets.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says. He really wishes his tankard wasn’t empty so he could drink out of it to cover his face. He settles for pulling his scarf over his nose.

Jester’s tail lashes back and forth. “Oh, come _on_ , Caleb, I know you can’t see the way you were looking at him but, like, you literally just—” She lets out a dramatic, wistful sigh that is _nothing_ like what Caleb did. “—and looked at Fjord.”

“I did not.”

“Caleb.” Jester adopts her Very Serious Voice. “I lived in the Lavish Chateau. I _know_ what it looks like when people are totally charmed by someone.”

“Charmed is not the same as _sweet on_ ,” Caleb says. “For example, I’m very charmed by you but I am certainly not _sweet on_ you.”

Jester pouts again. “Well, you don’t have to say it like _that_ ,” she grumbles. “But you know what I mean! Beau knows too!”

 _What?_ “Beau knows?” Caleb repeats, his voice cracking.

Jester cackles, leaning back. “HA!” She points at him. “You just proved there is something to know!”

“That is—” Caleb starts to protest, then rubs his temples. This was not where he thought his night was going to go. “You talked to Beau about this?”

“I talk to Beau about _everything_ ,” Jester says, which, fair enough, Caleb knows this. “But I mean some things she doesn’t really get, you know?” She slumps forward onto the table and her hand traces the patterns in the wood. “Like, you know, when I was little, I dreamed about having a best friend and, like, gossiping about boys and stuff, because that’s what all the girls that come by the Lavish Chateau did but… Beau doesn’t like boys and I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, you know?” Jester perks up and gives Caleb a devilish grin that makes him realize he’s in danger. “Which is why I wanted to talk to _you_ about Fjord! Because you like him the way I do!”

“I don’t—” Caleb cuts himself off and looks over in the direction of Fjord and Caduceus. Fjord is doing the thing where he swipes his thumb over his tusk, wanting to pick at it but trying to break out of the habit. There’s a fond little tug on Caleb’s heart like there is so often when he looks at Fjord.

It wasn’t like Caleb had been in denial, per se. There was just always so much going on in his head, so many thoughts swirling around, that it was easy to think _around_ certain things. Things like how his heart fluttered pathetically every time Fjord got it in his mind that Caleb needed extra protection or how easy it is for Caleb to fall in step with Fjord or how Caleb finds himself tracing the scar on his palm and wondering if Fjord thought about him as much as he thought about Fjord. A feeling that Caleb recognizes as yearning pushes its way to the surface and he almost keels over from the force of it.

Caleb’s shoulders slump forward as the fight leaves his body. “Please don’t tell him,” he says quietly.

Jester smiles sadly at him. “Of course not,” she promises, patting Caleb’s hand. “And don’t worry, even though it’s super obvious to the rest of _us_ that you like him—” Caleb tries to protest this but Jester plows right on. “—Fjord won’t pick up on it. Like at all. He’s suuuuuuper oblivious.”

Caleb has to agree; if he’s apparently been obvious about his affection for Fjord, then Jester has been broadcasting it to everyone for months and yet Fjord still seems unaware of Jester’s feelings, even with Nott laying it on much too thick.

Jester grins at him. “See? We can talk about stuff like that together!” She gasps. “Oh! Caleb! We’re in a love triangle!” He winces at that; he’d been in a love triangle before, a messier one. He’s not exactly enthused with the idea of being in another. “Caleb, we’re _rivals_! Oh, I’ve always wanted a rival!” She shuffles over to sit next to him and rests her head on Caleb’s shoulder, looking utterly happy.

Jester is notoriously a very hard person to say no to and Caleb can’t bring himself to. He rests his head against hers and says, “He is very handsome, ja?”

Jester giggles and wraps her arms around Caleb’s waist, hugging him tightly. “Yah.”

As Caleb hugs her back, he finds he is at peace. There is no resentment and none of the bitterness of his ordeal with Eodwulf and Astrid. This is real love, he realizes and presses a kiss into Jester’s hair. No matter how this resolves, they will be okay.


End file.
